My entire life is one complicated drinking game
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
