you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
