We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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