It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
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When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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