my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
