my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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