are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
