my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize