I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
