Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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