you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
