his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
