so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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