im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
