Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
