I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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