he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
