He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I showed him my bush... on skype.
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Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
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Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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