i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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