You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
