i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
