Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
