I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
