His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
