i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
