just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
