if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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