So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
