mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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