I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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