Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My vagina is officially offended.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
