How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
pray to the hookup gods
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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