I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
