He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
