Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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