Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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