Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize