Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
