he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
