So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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