My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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