i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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