Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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