He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
