i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
