dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i think i have two assholes
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
