I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
