break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
