She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
