We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
