i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
