I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
