sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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