eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
