i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
