I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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