i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
