i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
