? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
