she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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