Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
BRING THE BAGELS
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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