Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
