I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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