Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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