im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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