There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He shit in the fireplace
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
