I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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