i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
