Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
there was a trapeze. enough said
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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