my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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