I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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