If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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