I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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