You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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