Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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