i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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