just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
