life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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