I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
