Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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