Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
