I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
