no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
